I’ve never been a strong person. Those close to me would know that. Not that there are many, of course; it takes quite a bit of courage to disclose that part of me to others. So far, there’s only been one other person who completely, entirely knew me; even the few close friends I have would be surprised to know all that I have to offer, all that I’ve been through. Alas, that person and I don’t speak anymore because, once again: life happened.
I was never a strong person. At the same time, even at my lowest, I wouldn’t text you back without using a couple of emojis, or try lightening the mood, not letting my state or my mood in the current moment come across that well. I’m not quite sure why I tend to do that. The past one and a half week has been the toughest so far. It’s funny -you always think that when you’re faced with certain new situations or difficulties, even though you’ve said that line probably a few dozen times in the past. But believe me you, this time…it’s incomparable. I did give myself a few days to be overwhelmed with it all, but then, after that, I found myself trying to find the humour in it -to find the humour in the midst of often unbearable, physical pain. There is too someone in the same boat as me, in this situation. Not quite the same boat, but a similar one; this situation, I’d say, affects me far more than them. Anyhow, I found myself trying my best to console and take care of this other person, even though I, myself have never felt such suffering.
This situation, however, was a new one. The past few months, from, say, last September (I guess that’s close to almost a year now) have just been a downhill ride, with incidents I couldn’t even imagine occurring, having happened. Things beyond my imagination, so to say. It’s been one of those situations where life just keeps throwing (excuse my wording) shit at you, constantly, one thing on top of another without pause. And yet, I haven’t crumbled.
As I said, I’ve never been a strong person. Now, when I think back to the things that would bring me down back in the day, I smile and reminisce of that time. Boy, was life easy back then.
But this time, it’s different. I’m different, I guess. You would think that when life has beaten you down, brought you to your knees…that would be it. That’s where you would stay. That’s where I thought I would stay. But that’s not where I am right now. I stay standing; I stand tall. This truly isn’t just me trying to pull myself up or anything; it’s a genuine reflection on myself as a person, and that it’s truly remarkable that at times, you’re quite simply unaware of just how strong you can be. Even looking back to two months ago, life was much, much simpler. And yet, I was much weaker as well. Now, life is harder, but I stand my own ground still.
Maybe my perspective of life was just wrong, previously. Maybe the harder life hits at you, the stronger you get, instead of weaker. I think, when I look back, years from now, yes, I would look at the past year as having been the toughest of my life; but at the same time, I believe, I would too look at it as the phase in my life where I grew. And, to be honest, I only have one person to thank for that. But we don’t talk anymore (not to intentionally quote Charlie Puth, lol).
Writing Better 